The first relationship we need to have on track in this life is the one we have with ourselves. If we don't get over ourselves first, we will never have sexy, real or healthy relationships with anyone else.
What do I mean by saying, "get over ourselves first?" It means, we have to first get "REAL" with ourselves regarding how we feel about our own person. Until we get real and totally honest about how we perceive ourselves, we will never, ever have any other relationship that is sexy, real, or healthy. Do you feel sexy? Do you feel Healthy? Can you be "REAL" with yourself in answering those questions? It does not matter what the rest of the world tells us or tries to convince us of: if we don't answer the questions for "REAL", we will always be unhappy. It all starts with YOU. No, I don't mean that sappy, get in touch with who you are stuff. You already know who you are, and what you "REALLY" feel about "YOU". Come on, let me show you what I mean.
1. The world will lie to you: Yes, you know it's true. You have done it too. The world around us has been taught to lie in one of three ways, and all are cruel: one just seems less cruel than the other.
a. The goody two shoes lie: It goes something like this. You look at yourself in the mirror with disgust because you see a 5 foot tall woman who looks grossly and embarrassingly fat at 250lbs. Your dear friend is standing nearby, and you turn with a probing question. "Do you think I am gross and ugly?" Of course your good friend, not desiring to hurt your feelings because they "care" for you, responds: "no way girl, you are big and beautiful. If anyone doesn't like it, forget em'." You smile an uneasy smile, willing to take that moment of affirmation, knowing all the while you left the truth behind you at the mirror. After all, you ARE grossly and embarrassingly FAT. How could I dare say such a thing, you might ask? Because I do "care" and I believe in "REAL" truth telling. Please understand where I am coming from before you nail me to the cross. There is an element of truth in what the friend says, but the greater point is: "YOU" saw yourself in the mirror as a 5 foot tall woman who looks grossly and embarrassingly fat at 250 lbs. YOU are not happy with yourself or you would not have asked the question. Now, this was presented as a hypothetical situation that wasn't "exactly" or completely hypothetical. This was pretty much a conversation I have had with myself many days in my previous and pathetic life. Oh, I had people around me that were the goody two shoes person for me, but "I" knew I hated what I saw. I was not 5 foot and 250 lbs, but it was what I felt like. I was about 5' 10" and about 245 miserable pounds of bitter man-flesh. All the people who care about me surrounded me with love and smiles while I was miserable and doing a great job of loathing myself. Before I get to the self-diagnosis and potential cure, let me tell you about the second lie.
b. The big "bully" lie: This is where people abuse you because you aren't "normal" like them. These are the type who will, without your asking, tell you just what they think about what they see. If you are overweight, they will say things solely for the purpose of inflicting emotional pain upon you. Things like: big fatty, stinky, smelly Patty. Be careful, if she sits on you, you will go splatty. She's so ugly her mama smacked the doctor when she came out. Pretty cruel, huh? Especially for the person who already hates themselves for the way they see themselves. It just adds validity to how they may already feel. It doesn't have to be true, and the bully doesn't care. The bully gets their thrill from seeing you whimper. You may smell like a bed of flowers, but they associate fat with things like smelly or pigs, etc.. Does it make it true? No, of course not, but they know it's hurtful and that's the whole thrill for these idiot's. They have issues of their own to deal with because they are very weak people, but that's another story. Okay, let's move on to lie number three.
c. The "we can win the world" Lie: This is the hope the world gives you that some day, some how, if you do it their way: you can look like them, talk like them, walk like them, dress like them, become "normal" like them and ultimately accepted by them. Now, this is the laughable one. Maybe even more cruel than the "bully". Which of "them" are you going to be? You can't win with the world until you get over yourself and "WIN with YOU". This world will always come after you for something. Maybe your nose is too big or too small. Perhaps you talk too much or too little. You might just be too liberal or conservative. Get my point?
The bottom line is: The questions you ask yourself in the mirror are questions worth thoughtful reflection. Pun intended. Whether you look in the mirror and ask "goody two shoes", get abused and feel the bullies remarks are justified, or feel you have to chase after the many world views of "normal", the "REAL" problem is with you, what you see, and ultimately, what you are going to do about it. Well, what are you going to do about it?
WIN with YOU! That's what you are going to do about it, and it begins by getting over yourself. "How do I do that", you ask? That's it! ASK and ANSWER yourself for REAL. You know what you see and don't like about yourself, what you love about yourself, what really doesn't matter to yourself, and finally, what YOU will DO about yourself. One thing I know, is that nobody has to tell us our faults and strengths. We already know all about ourselves.
If you want to have sexy, real, and healthy relationships with the people around you in all your walks of life then put yourself in charge to WIN with YOU.
Do what I did. You see, when people came to me with problems, I was always a good listener. I offered them advice, but if they made no change and continued on with the old habits, I didn't respect that. I loathed that and saw them as weak individuals. If they came to me repeating the same old song, my response was clear. I told them if they really wanted things to be different they would change what's the matter. I told them in short order, "either fix it, decide it doesn't matter and shut up or do something. If not, don't waste my time with your constant whining and pathetic excuses for not taking charge of your life."
Then, the day of reckoning came. I was standing at the mirror, naked, and loathing what I saw. I was divorced and not dating because I saw myself as a fat and disgusting pig that nobody would have reason to value. Even more to the point, I told myself off. I said to myself, "you are pathetic and a miserable whiner who refuses to take charge of their life. If you don't like what you see, then fix it, decide it doesn't matter and shut up, or do something about it."
I finally heard my own words. I answered myself for REAL too. I told myself, "you have no excuse to be overweight. You don't feel good because you ARE fat and out of shape. You are not healthy. You were in the military and you know how to fix it, so get to it or shut up!" I heard myself loud and clear.
Now, just to clear the record, my weight wasn't the only reason for my gloom, but it was something I could control. I took charge of it. I did or was doing all I could to correct financial issues after my divorce. I was doing well at my work, although I was a little cranky when playing with others due to how I felt about myself, but I wanted to change that NOW! I was finally tired of wallowing in pity and ready to win with myself. I began recalling how I felt when I was in peak shape and very active in the military. I could feel it all over again. Well, until I actually started working out and felt the beginner fitness pains. Oh man, how I almost quit when I woke up in agony with soreness day after day for the first few weeks, but I didn't. I took charge and was I glad. I found a new zeal, a new bounce, a renewed freshness and a new sense of sexy in how I dealt with people. Whew! I felt GREAT! The agony and shortness of breath just to bend over and tie my shoes was a far-distant memory.
My diet changed, my routines changed, my relationships with others changed, my endurance at work changed and my perspective changed. My mental clarity improved dramatically.......I was happy with me and for me. It was amazing how taking control of that one aspect I hated about myself invaded and positively charged the rest of my life. People keep looking for miracle cures and what I call the "lazy" way to healthy lives.
The miracle cure is to WIN with YOU and it requires taking a path where there are no shortcuts. A path that is only conquered by one thing: YOU on a truck called DISCIPLINE. This is a word people have forgotten in a world of convenience. Well, it doesn't go away just because people forget. Just like a sunburn, you can put ointment on it and you may not feel its pain for a time, but it's still there and time will soon show you.
You won't believe how simple the truth is regarding the secret to conquering all things we want to change. I will tell you why most people fail almost as soon as they get started toward self-improvement in my next post.
What has helped you overcome, to get over yourself and succeed? Feel free to post helpful links on the subject.
I am not a professional doctor of any kind. The opinions expressed are soley my own and not intended to take the place of any medical docotor, physciatrist or any other licensed professional in the areas discussed.
What do I mean by saying, "get over ourselves first?" It means, we have to first get "REAL" with ourselves regarding how we feel about our own person. Until we get real and totally honest about how we perceive ourselves, we will never, ever have any other relationship that is sexy, real, or healthy. Do you feel sexy? Do you feel Healthy? Can you be "REAL" with yourself in answering those questions? It does not matter what the rest of the world tells us or tries to convince us of: if we don't answer the questions for "REAL", we will always be unhappy. It all starts with YOU. No, I don't mean that sappy, get in touch with who you are stuff. You already know who you are, and what you "REALLY" feel about "YOU". Come on, let me show you what I mean.
1. The world will lie to you: Yes, you know it's true. You have done it too. The world around us has been taught to lie in one of three ways, and all are cruel: one just seems less cruel than the other.
a. The goody two shoes lie: It goes something like this. You look at yourself in the mirror with disgust because you see a 5 foot tall woman who looks grossly and embarrassingly fat at 250lbs. Your dear friend is standing nearby, and you turn with a probing question. "Do you think I am gross and ugly?" Of course your good friend, not desiring to hurt your feelings because they "care" for you, responds: "no way girl, you are big and beautiful. If anyone doesn't like it, forget em'." You smile an uneasy smile, willing to take that moment of affirmation, knowing all the while you left the truth behind you at the mirror. After all, you ARE grossly and embarrassingly FAT. How could I dare say such a thing, you might ask? Because I do "care" and I believe in "REAL" truth telling. Please understand where I am coming from before you nail me to the cross. There is an element of truth in what the friend says, but the greater point is: "YOU" saw yourself in the mirror as a 5 foot tall woman who looks grossly and embarrassingly fat at 250 lbs. YOU are not happy with yourself or you would not have asked the question. Now, this was presented as a hypothetical situation that wasn't "exactly" or completely hypothetical. This was pretty much a conversation I have had with myself many days in my previous and pathetic life. Oh, I had people around me that were the goody two shoes person for me, but "I" knew I hated what I saw. I was not 5 foot and 250 lbs, but it was what I felt like. I was about 5' 10" and about 245 miserable pounds of bitter man-flesh. All the people who care about me surrounded me with love and smiles while I was miserable and doing a great job of loathing myself. Before I get to the self-diagnosis and potential cure, let me tell you about the second lie.
b. The big "bully" lie: This is where people abuse you because you aren't "normal" like them. These are the type who will, without your asking, tell you just what they think about what they see. If you are overweight, they will say things solely for the purpose of inflicting emotional pain upon you. Things like: big fatty, stinky, smelly Patty. Be careful, if she sits on you, you will go splatty. She's so ugly her mama smacked the doctor when she came out. Pretty cruel, huh? Especially for the person who already hates themselves for the way they see themselves. It just adds validity to how they may already feel. It doesn't have to be true, and the bully doesn't care. The bully gets their thrill from seeing you whimper. You may smell like a bed of flowers, but they associate fat with things like smelly or pigs, etc.. Does it make it true? No, of course not, but they know it's hurtful and that's the whole thrill for these idiot's. They have issues of their own to deal with because they are very weak people, but that's another story. Okay, let's move on to lie number three.
c. The "we can win the world" Lie: This is the hope the world gives you that some day, some how, if you do it their way: you can look like them, talk like them, walk like them, dress like them, become "normal" like them and ultimately accepted by them. Now, this is the laughable one. Maybe even more cruel than the "bully". Which of "them" are you going to be? You can't win with the world until you get over yourself and "WIN with YOU". This world will always come after you for something. Maybe your nose is too big or too small. Perhaps you talk too much or too little. You might just be too liberal or conservative. Get my point?
The bottom line is: The questions you ask yourself in the mirror are questions worth thoughtful reflection. Pun intended. Whether you look in the mirror and ask "goody two shoes", get abused and feel the bullies remarks are justified, or feel you have to chase after the many world views of "normal", the "REAL" problem is with you, what you see, and ultimately, what you are going to do about it. Well, what are you going to do about it?
WIN with YOU! That's what you are going to do about it, and it begins by getting over yourself. "How do I do that", you ask? That's it! ASK and ANSWER yourself for REAL. You know what you see and don't like about yourself, what you love about yourself, what really doesn't matter to yourself, and finally, what YOU will DO about yourself. One thing I know, is that nobody has to tell us our faults and strengths. We already know all about ourselves.
If you want to have sexy, real, and healthy relationships with the people around you in all your walks of life then put yourself in charge to WIN with YOU.
Do what I did. You see, when people came to me with problems, I was always a good listener. I offered them advice, but if they made no change and continued on with the old habits, I didn't respect that. I loathed that and saw them as weak individuals. If they came to me repeating the same old song, my response was clear. I told them if they really wanted things to be different they would change what's the matter. I told them in short order, "either fix it, decide it doesn't matter and shut up or do something. If not, don't waste my time with your constant whining and pathetic excuses for not taking charge of your life."
Then, the day of reckoning came. I was standing at the mirror, naked, and loathing what I saw. I was divorced and not dating because I saw myself as a fat and disgusting pig that nobody would have reason to value. Even more to the point, I told myself off. I said to myself, "you are pathetic and a miserable whiner who refuses to take charge of their life. If you don't like what you see, then fix it, decide it doesn't matter and shut up, or do something about it."
I finally heard my own words. I answered myself for REAL too. I told myself, "you have no excuse to be overweight. You don't feel good because you ARE fat and out of shape. You are not healthy. You were in the military and you know how to fix it, so get to it or shut up!" I heard myself loud and clear.
Now, just to clear the record, my weight wasn't the only reason for my gloom, but it was something I could control. I took charge of it. I did or was doing all I could to correct financial issues after my divorce. I was doing well at my work, although I was a little cranky when playing with others due to how I felt about myself, but I wanted to change that NOW! I was finally tired of wallowing in pity and ready to win with myself. I began recalling how I felt when I was in peak shape and very active in the military. I could feel it all over again. Well, until I actually started working out and felt the beginner fitness pains. Oh man, how I almost quit when I woke up in agony with soreness day after day for the first few weeks, but I didn't. I took charge and was I glad. I found a new zeal, a new bounce, a renewed freshness and a new sense of sexy in how I dealt with people. Whew! I felt GREAT! The agony and shortness of breath just to bend over and tie my shoes was a far-distant memory.
My diet changed, my routines changed, my relationships with others changed, my endurance at work changed and my perspective changed. My mental clarity improved dramatically.......I was happy with me and for me. It was amazing how taking control of that one aspect I hated about myself invaded and positively charged the rest of my life. People keep looking for miracle cures and what I call the "lazy" way to healthy lives.
The miracle cure is to WIN with YOU and it requires taking a path where there are no shortcuts. A path that is only conquered by one thing: YOU on a truck called DISCIPLINE. This is a word people have forgotten in a world of convenience. Well, it doesn't go away just because people forget. Just like a sunburn, you can put ointment on it and you may not feel its pain for a time, but it's still there and time will soon show you.
You won't believe how simple the truth is regarding the secret to conquering all things we want to change. I will tell you why most people fail almost as soon as they get started toward self-improvement in my next post.
What has helped you overcome, to get over yourself and succeed? Feel free to post helpful links on the subject.
I am not a professional doctor of any kind. The opinions expressed are soley my own and not intended to take the place of any medical docotor, physciatrist or any other licensed professional in the areas discussed.
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